My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
