those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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