I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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