I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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