Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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