Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
