hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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