Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
