I got chris browned last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
