she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love you. Go after that dick
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