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Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
