i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
