mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
