dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
