I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
