Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
