I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
