I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
