So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
