It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I booty called her while she was in labor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
