he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
