Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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