he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
