I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
