the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
