If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
