TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just cropdusted the office
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
