i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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