just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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