you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
