Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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