last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
