I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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