I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
