last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
