Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
