I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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