Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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