apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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