problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
