I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
