I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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