I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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