wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
