planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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