I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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