so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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