guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
nutella sex= disaster
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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