my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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