Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
