Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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