You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
